Ash's Retarded Adventure
by ThatFanfictor
Summary: This was written two years ago by me, it's now been edited and combined into one story. Enjoy, hateful reviews are welcomed.
1. ARA Chapter 1

Ash woke up one morning to the sound of his neighbor -Professor Oak- mowing his lawn. "Dang, its a beautiful day out today, the sun is shining, and the birds are singing..." He hopped out of bed in his Teletubby footie pajamas,to look down and notice a wet spot where his crotch was.

"You gotta be kidding... I guess I had one too many caprisun pouches last night."

And at that he changed into his green dinosaur pajamas and imploded his teletubby footies.

He walked to the stairs and shouted, "MOM I'M UP MAKE ME BREAKFAST OR I'LL SNEAK TRANQUILIZER INTO YOUR KIDNEY MEDICATION!"

He started down the stairs, only to slip on a pile of rat crap, tumble down, and rip open his nut sack on an upturned nail that jutted out of the bottom step.

Blood started squirting out of his crotch as he danced around like a marijuana crazed gorilla.

The pain was so intense he couldn't speak at all.

As he was hopping around grabbing his berries, he hit his back on the wall, triggering his weak bladder. Pee and blood were pooring out of the hole in his lower stomach area.

His mom came into the room and crapped herself when she saw she was standing in 5 inches of body fluids.

"SON, SON ARE YOU OKAY?!" She screamed frantically.

"OF COURSE I'M NOT YOU INBRED RETARD! I'M BLEEDING OUT OF MY FRIJOLES LIKE A FOUNTAIN!"

She started to speak but he couldn't understand her as his head struck the floor...

He awoke to find himself on an operation table, Professor Oak touching his twig-and-berries with silver spoons.

"What the- where am I?! Stop touching my man parts!"

He hopped off the table and ran to the door, almost forgetting he was naked.

"Gimme my clothes back!" He shouted as he covered his stumper.

"Hold your horses lady-killer! You need to rest for a while!" He says.

He leaned over to his mom and not-so-quietly whispered, "He has the ding-dong size of a pre-pubescent cow!"

"Can i leave now mom?"

"Yes, you and your small ding-dong can leave honey."

Just before he was about to leave, his queer cousin Gary pranced into the lab with his rainbow gayness.

"Hellooooo dearest cousin! You look like trash!" He said with that accent gay people have that make them annoying as heck.

"Excuse me?" Said Ash. He hated gay people, and he certainly hated his cousin.

He ran up to Professor Oak and gave him a big hug. "Hellooo uncle!"

"Gary you slut I told you not to call me uncle in public! How many times have I told you not to wear your rainbow gay pride sweater around this lab you light-in-the-loafers fag tard!"

He didnt seem affected at all by this. "Your concern makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! Hey Ash I looooove how everyone loves me and not you!"

This infuriates Ash.

"Nobody likes you you shovel-blowing slut napkin."

Still, Gary didnt care.

"Warm and fuzzyy!"

Ash speed walks to the exit.

On his way out, he slips on Pikachu crap and face plants into Gary's wet underwear load.

"DISGUSTING!" He threw up all over himself and it got to the point where he couldnt breathe. He started hammering himself in the gut with his fists but he started coughing up blood with his vomit. One of his eyes bursted out of its socket.

He screamed with the force of a thousand elephants while trying to plug his eye hole with dirty underwear.

The bloody underwear plug gave way and vomit started bursting out of his empty eye socket.

His Pikachu, which he had to disown due to its psychotic nature, scampered up and swallowed his eyeball whole.

Everyone in the room just sat back and watched everything that was happening.


	2. ARA Chapter 2

p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"The vomit and blood went down, and he felt /Still, he would never get the taste of Gary's tainted underwear out of his /"My balls still hurt from the surgery, and my stomach feels like a fire pit of acid reflex, but this MIGHT still be a good day." He thought to /As he walked away from the lab he could hear Professor Oak yelling, "Gary you slut I told you to stop streaking your ass across my marble floors!"br /Hearing this he walked a little /He headed for Brock's /Brock was a mexicasian immigrant from Polandbr /and could hardly speak proper /Ash walked up to his door and /"Do not be coming yet!"br /Ash /Minutes went by now.../p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Brock you slut taco I wanna go get a bite to eat at FagDonalds!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Hokay I am right there!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"There were footsteps at the door./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Brock finally opened the door wearing his tribal makeup and jumpsuit that made him look like a /"Brock you slut I told you not to wear those in public that's not how you get ladies "br /He looked confused./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Then why you are getting the ladies with your silly clothing?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Because I'm not a slutty nerfball that watches Barney you slut."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Isn't Barney the educational?"br /Ash gets frustrated at his /"Brock you slut I told you not to call Barney educational like a slut wiener!"br /But Brock was already down the road looking like an old greeter at Walmart in his /Ash follows.../p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"They arrive at FagDonalds, one of the gayest places in town. In that restaurant, everyone wears sweater vests and has really gay short hair, and everything is /"Is this place not gay? I had thinking you hated gays."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Brock I come here for the food only!"br /They walk up to the register to order their /Gary appeared at the desk imitating a hair flip like Unovah's Next Top /"Well well well. If it isn't the one nut wonder!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Shut up you skank ass slut muffin, I have both of my party crashers!/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Just order."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Why you are working here?" Asked Brock like a constipated walrus with a hot rod up its butt./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""My mother made me because I grabbed a little schoolboy's butt cheek."br /Ash and Brock broke out /"JUST ORDER!"br /"Alright alright don't get your Victoria's Secret underwear in a bunch you rapist."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"They glance at the /"I'll have a skank burger, gay fries, and a hoe-ass milkshake."br /Said Ash./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Oh- and don't forget the extra fag."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""And I want to be having your man-lover's tuna fish sandwich with stripper sauce and slut salad."br /Said Brock./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Fine, fine. That'll be 3 pieces of your clothing."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Whatever floats your scrote you wanker!" Said Ash./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"They went and sat down to eat their food as half naked men began do ballet around /"Can you guys not?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Said ash with a mouthful of food./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Sorry fresh mea-I mean, little boy, it's all part of the job."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""You stupid chicken schlongs I told you to stop so go away or I'll cut your nads off."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"The gayerinas left quickly, clutching their jewel /After they finished their food, ash called Gary a slut a few more times, then they went out to the forest to catch some Pokemon./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Okay, Brock get your poke ball sack out!"br /Brock started to undo his /"NO NO NO! The one you use to carry your pokeballs!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Oh, hokay."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"A wild Arceus was hiding behind a /Ash saw /Brock saw it too, but he had pneumonia and started hacking up blood and snot and tuna /"Brock you slut I you not to cough around wild legendary Pokemon or you'll scare them you hoebr /burger!" Ash /The Arceus heard this and ran away, farting a not-so-straight rainbow into /"DAMMIT!" He turned around to talk to Brock but he looked down and saw Psycho Pikachu peeing on his shoe. br /"I'm sick of you you slut nugget!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Pikachu looked up at Ash and made a gurgle-snort noise from deep in his throat, his eye twitching and his mouth /And with that, Ash kicked Pikachu in the head, but Pikachu used his leg to scuttle up his /He bit ash all over. "AGGGHHHH! Brock what the hell do somethin you slutty fag donkey!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""HOKAY!" He grabbed a stick and started hitting Ash with it, /That triggered his weak stomach again, and he started puking blood vomit /Ash grabbed him and vomited into Pikachu's mouth until he couldn't fit anymore in, then he took the staple gun out of his back pocket and bolted his mouth shut./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Pikachu started to make a variety of gurgling noises as he started to convulse on the pavement, flinging his arms and legs everywhere./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Finally it ended. Ash's all-time nemesis was dead./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""Let's camp here for the night." Said /For dinner they'd roasted Pikachu's /It gave Ash electric intestinal gas, or EIG syndrome. He had ready went through 4 pairs of jeans./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"In the morning they returned to Pallet /Ash shot a lightning bolt out of his butt hole and blew up Gary's rainbow house of little boy-loving /"One less eye sore in this hell hole."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Then they became bored and decided to play /But when it was Ash's turn to leap over Brock, he shot a lightning bolt out of his butthole and it exploded a hole through Brock's /"You are the stupid slut hole!" He said with his dying /Brock /"There goes yet ANOTHER eye sore."br /Ash marked his territory on Brock's dead body and continued walking down the path./p 


	3. ARA Chapter 3

p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Ash continued walking down the road, leaving Brock's body /A wild Pikachu flew out of a bush and started humping Brock's dead /He lunged at Ash and snapped at is face but Ash blocked him with his /"Get off me you yellow slut!"br /Pikachu drop kicked him in the spine and he slammed on the ground /Ash kicked him in the head and gave him a /Pikachu started dancing around like a /"Die you slut muffin!"br /Ash pulled out his switchlade and stabbed him in the balls multiple /Ash pulled the rusty nail out of his scrotum and jammed it into Pikachus /He pulled the nail out and ate Pikachu's /Then Misty ran up, pulled out a chaingun and started mowing all the citizens of the town down to mush. "DIE SLUTS!"br /"MISTY YOU SLUTTY SLUT!" Shouted Ash. "YOU CANT SAY SLUT IN CLASS YOU SLUT!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""WE AREN'T IN CLASS YOU SLUTTY CHODE MUNCHER!" She shouted./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"And at that, Ash squeezed his testicles and squirted blood 20 yards into Misty's nose and mouth and she threw up snot all over the /"YOU SCROTE SANDWICH! YOU KNOW I'M ALLERGIC!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"Ash took all his clothes off, rolled around in the snot, then skidded down the big hill on his small sack./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""GET BACK HERE YOU SLUT!" She shouted./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;""NEVER SLUT NUGGET!" He shouted back./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"He slid all the way into the forest where a wild pokemon jumped out and bit his wiener /"YOU STUPID SLUT!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;"He whipped out his pistol and shot it in the head and the brains went /Ash ate its brains then threw up more snot to slide some more./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium;" /p 


	4. ARA Chapter 4

Ash continued sliding own the hill. He had been sliding for 6 hours.  
He was falling asleep when he saw a group of sharp rocks in the distance.  
He tried turning but he wouldn't move. He slid right over the razor sharp rocks and they sliced his ball sack in two, ripping open his stitches.  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He started tumbling down the hill, being slathered in his own blood. When he hit the bottom of the mountain,there was a rock right where his head hit.  
His head smashed all over it, and blood splattered out of his nose.  
He passed out.

When he woke up, there was a weird looking man standing over him.  
"Have a nice fall?" He said.

"Shut up you slut-OW!"

"Yup, I've seen this before!" He walked over to something sitting in a pool of blood.  
He picked it up and showed it to him.  
"What is that?" Ash asked.

"What's this? Why, it's your nose!"

"WHAT! MY NOSE FELL OFF?!" He started patting his face, only to be welcomed by burning pain.  
"Yup. Did you know you're naked?"  
"Yes you slut. I need to find clothes."

"Ain't no clothes out here!"

"Then why do you have clothes?"

"I made them."

"How am I supposed to make clothes?"

"With plants of course."  
The old man looked inspected his nose, seasoned it lightly with salt, then gulped it down.  
"What the heck you slut!"

"What? Don't wanna waste food down here, it might be the only snack you get for a while."

"Teach me how to survive."  
The old man gave Ash lessons on how to make clothes out of leaves and crap.  
He taught him how to drink his pee when he was thirsty and how to control his weak bladder and stomach.  
He also taught him how to swing from branches like a slut monkey.

"You are ready."

"Okay you slutty hoe."

"One more thing-whats your name?"

"Ash is my name."

"Ok Ass."

"No its Ash not Ass."

"Mmkay Ass."

"No its Ash! You slut monkey!"

"Don't worry Ass I got it."

Ash just left.

"I'm coming too Ass, wait up!"

Ash let out a loud sigh.

They headed farther into the jungle.

Then, a swarm of wild pikachu attacked them.

Ash shot lightning out of his butt hole and imploded their intestines into a spaghetti grenade, sending thousands of skin tubes into the trees.


	5. ARA Chapter 5

p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"The slutty old man followed Ash through the forest/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""where are we going Ass?"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Old man I will chop your nuts off and feed them to you."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"A bird came out of no where and attacked ash and pooped in his mouth and eyes./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""WHAT THE SLUT?!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"The old man ripped all his clothes off and did a little monkey man dance and twerked everywhere on a tree./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""What the fling-flong are you doing you stupid buttmunch?! I'm being attacked stop dancing around like a tard mango!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Then out of nowhere a fireball struck the bird and crap and blood and guts exploded everywhere, and a little got in Ash's mouth./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"With a battle cry he pistol whipped the dead bird in the head with his m9 until it busted open like a ripe, tender grapefruit./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"He thrusted his face into the birds exploded head hole to gain it's mana./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Congratulations, you win the fight, Ass!"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Shut up before I finger bomb your toot hole."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"They continued down the jungle path until they came to a village of slut monkeys./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""This is my home." said the old man/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Ash looked around to see a tribal looking village full of slut monkeys dancing around fisting alligators and satisfying camels./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"All the slut monkeys looked up at them and started dancing around in a circle./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Daddy!" A little slut monklet ran up to the old fart hoe and tried to hug him./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Ew, faggot." he said as he kicked it into the dirt and repeatedly stomped on its skull until it was dead./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""So these are the legendary slut monkeys..." said Ash/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Yeah I taught you their ways back in the forest."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Shut up butt head."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""Okay."/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"All of a sudden misty came skidding on the sack of a walrus across the treetops screaming like a buttnugget./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""GO AWAY MISTY ILL DESTROY YOU WITH MY FINGERBOMB TECHNIQUE"/p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;""IT'S RIP-SNORTIN' TIME! "She screamed./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Ash finger bombed Misty and killed her instantly, breaking her neck in 5 directions./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"Ash picked up a rock and smashed himself in the head with it until his brains spilled out and he ate his feces./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"All the slut monkeys came and ate Ash./p  
p style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: medium; text-align: left;"then when Ash was gone, all of the slut monkeys stacked on top of each other like a slut parade and finger bombed each other. They turned into a giant slut sword and slutty slut McSlutSlut slooty dooty'd their way into Misty and ripped her to shreds from the inside, blood squirting everywhere./p 


End file.
